sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
