There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need to sanitize my soul.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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