YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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