Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you never un-have a 4some
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
