Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
