Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
