so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize