my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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