So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
