I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
