They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
