he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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