I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
