..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize