matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
