a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
