their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
