i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
