I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
