my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
