your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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