i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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