she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
