My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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