Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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