I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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