i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
