maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
