I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
