i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
