I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
