If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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