By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
