Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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