You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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