I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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