who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FUCK WHALES
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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