Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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