So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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