I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
