Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize