take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
