i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
