when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
