Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize