ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
