so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
