I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
