.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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