u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
