I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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