We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
