Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will be naked everywhere
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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