I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
