yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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