I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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