Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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