im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
