I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
