I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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