The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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