halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
