Define "chronic" masturbator.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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