fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
