Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
