Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
