yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize