erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
