All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
