ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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