break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Randomize
