Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
