i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
