Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
