I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
