there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
