Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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