omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
