Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
